Diary

The last time I written a full time diary was 3 years ago, when I’m still teaching in Sarawak.

But in the last couple of years, I was writing on off. Last time I wrote when I’m expressing anger, sad and misery – my mood on the time being. But after that I tend to go on my gloomy feeling on my own without the help of my beloved diary.

Actually, once I wrote about my quarrel with my husband, full in details and how I was feeling that time. Later, when my heated mind was subsided, I felt I didn’t do him justice. Yes, I’m feeling very angry at that time and later I felt ok but that writing still carved forever in my diary. What if someone – my children or grandson read it, without prior knowledge of what infusing the argument, they cast a dark image to my wonderful husband?

Yes, diary can be a powerful tool to record history. I still remembered how gripping I felt when I read The Diary of Anne Frank. Yes, she wrote about Jewish demolisation but the record was intact. Yes, in my uni years, I read somewhere that her father had refurbished the story but still. The diary had become a book of literature and was read all over the world.

I’ve a collection of diary, overflow in a big box, stashed away in locked cupboard, underneath piles of my old clothes. (I hope my mum never find out). I started to write when I’m in Standard 6, after my BM teacher asked us to write a daily journal including the illustration of our mood. I remembered that I gained a good mark on the assignment, I continued to write full time after that.

Some of my secondary school diary entries were in English. More English during my matrix and much more in my uni years. Still, reading back, I made me shake with laughter and I had to resist from grabbing my red pink and underline the sentences. Huh, it took much effort to have such control. Nevertheless, I still continue to make mistakes, but nothing else matters.

But, one thing that I regret was not writing anything about my first time experience as a mother. It was such an excellent chance to write something that is so wonderful and thrilling. I guess it is never too late to start. But, when I will start??? Wink Wink ;-)